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Professor ‘discovers’ world where every movie is a Police Academy movie

21 Tuesday Aug 2012

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Brian Cox, Bubba Smith, Paul Walker, Police Academy, Steve Guttenburg

Brian Cox UniverseProfessor Brian Cox spoke with insipid wonderment today on the certainty that a world exists where every movie is a Police Academy movie.

Cox filmed himself standing in the middle of a desert, gazing up at the sky while he imparted his theory.

“Quantum theory shows us quite clearly that there is an infinite number of worlds, with an infinite number of variations. This means that there is a world out there, exactly like our own, but where every movie ever made is a Police Academy movie.”

“And it so follows that instead of staring Steve Guttenburg and Bubba Smith, each film stars Paul Walker in a multitude of roles.”

“And that they must be up to something, now, like Police Academy 7006: Undertrained Idiots Filling Out Forms All Day, and that the series will have started to diminish in quality.”

Cox has agreed a deal with the NBC to turn his theory into a three-part series, with an accompanying book and other such bollocks.

Police Academy

Theory describes a reality in which a particle can be in several places at once and moves from one place to another by exploring the entire universe simultaneously, and it so follows that Police Academy 7 is still the worst of the series

 

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Fall Guy movie not happening

23 Monday Jul 2012

Posted by Movie-Rumors in Movie news, Movie stars, Movie-Rumors, Movies in development

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Bionic Man, Colt Seavers, Lee Majors, Sony, The Fall Guy

The_Fall_Guy_MovieSony’s unconfirmed big screen adaptation of 80s TV series, The Fall Guy, is not happening according to sources in Hollywood.

The Fall Guy followed the adventures of Colt Seavers, played by Bionic-Man (not literally) Lee Majors, who may have been a bounty hunter or a stunt man, if memory serves us correct, and who definitely had a great theme tune and a fantastic truck.

Sony had this to say about the non-awaited adaptation earlier today:

No, we haven’t any plans to adapt The Fall Guy as a movie. We haven’t heard of anyone else interested in the property, either. I really wish Movie-Rumors would stop bringing it up, in fact, because we’re all very busy here, and can’t be picking-up our phones all day to answer what is quite literally, nonsense.”

Angelina Jolie is bored

19 Thursday Jul 2012

Posted by Movie-Rumors in Movie stars, Movie-Rumors, Movies in development

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Angelina Jolie, Salt 2, sexy actress

angelina-jolie-movie-rumors
Angelina Jolie is bored today, Movie-Rumors can exclusively reveal.

We called Jolie up at her hotel in Prague where she will resume filming Salt 2 after the weekend break, to find that the sexy actress really didn’t feel like doing anything.

“I don’t want to watch TV,” Jolie told us. “I don’t feel like reading a book. Can’t go out ’cause I’ll be recognised. Can’t call anyone ’cause of the time difference.”

“I may get something to eat later. Am I even hungry?”

Salt 2 will be released in 2014.

New Masters of the Universe movie to focus on Skeletor

17 Tuesday Jul 2012

Posted by Movie-Rumors in Movie news, Movie-Rumors, Movies in development

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Masters of the Universe, Skeletor

skeletor-new-masters-of-the-universe-movieSony Pictures have had a breakthrough, it seems, in bringing the Masters of the Universe property back to the big screen, by deciding to focus the new movie on the main villain, Skeletor.

A new film adaptation of the 1980s toy-line, which featured He-Man, “the most powerful man in the Universe,” had been stuck in development hell in recent years, being shifted from studio to studio, with various writers and directors attached along the way.

The franchise achieved massive success with its adaptation as a 1980s cartoon series by Filmation, but did less well as a 1987 live action movie, which may have contributed to the delay in getting the new film off the ground.

Now, with the new movie being built around the “leader of the evil warriors” Skeletor, it looks like we’ll be seeing the battles of the Masters of the Universe on the big screen, soon.

Here’s an extract from the official Sony Pictures press release:

Skeletor is clearly the more interesting character in the franchise and we believe that by focusing on this complex individual we’ll really be able to re-open the property to a global audience. We’ll be exploring the psychopathy of the character. He clearly suffers from Narcissistic Entitlement Syndrome, believing that the Universe and everything in it should be under his command. He’s also prone to violent outbursts if he doesn’t get his way, a classic sufferer of Intermittent Explosive Disorder. When we catch up with Skeletor, he’s married and has children, and is rather suppressed by his wife Evil-Lyn. It’s the perfect opportunity for us to delve into the mind of the villain, held there under our microscope, as he juggles work in Snake-mountan with the demands of fatherhood. We also suggest that Skeletor is a repressed homosexual, and that he harks for a romantic union with the one he calls Beast-Man.

Team behind Jackass 3D to adapt The Bible

13 Friday Jul 2012

Posted by Movie-Rumors in Movie news, Movie stars, Movie-Rumors, Movies in development

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Jacxkass 3D, jesus, johnny knoxville, the bible

bible-jackass_-the-movie-rumors

The team behind Jackass 3D said they were looking for something more serious following their success with the prank-stunt trilogy, and it looks like they’ve found it, with The Bible.

Johnny Knoxville and his “buds” will bring the epic adaptation to the big screen for a wide release.

When asked which of the Jackass team would be playing Jesus, Knoxville smashed his fist into his own face and laughed wildly, which we think answers the question.

Wahlberg close to pulling out of Big Jim movie following fan uprising

10 Tuesday Jul 2012

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Big Jim, Denzel Washington, Mark Wahlberg

mark_wahlberg_big_jimMark Wahlberg is close to pulling out of the big screen adaptation of classic toy-line, Big Jim, following an outpouring of fan discontent at his casting.

big_jim_movie

Wahlberg was in line to play the title character, Big Jim, the “basic” good guy leader and an average Caucasian male with no other distinguishable characteristics, except having a permanent good attitude and joy for life.

He was also set to take on board additional roles, including Big Josh, effectively Big Jim with a beard, one of Jim’s best friends, and positioned as the tough guy among the group, as well as Big Jeff, Big Jim’s third buddy, an Australian kind of blond type.

Fans feel that Wahlberg is too short to do justice to the role(s).

They have given a big thumbs up, however, to Denzel Washington, who will bring a degree of gravitas to the role of Big Jack, an African American character with a friendly attitude.

Christopher Nolan interview: Robin almost certainly in new Batman movie The Dark Knight Rises

26 Tuesday Jun 2012

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Batman, Catwoman, Christopher Nolan, Robin, The Dark Knight Rises

christopher-nolan-interviewMovie-Rumors caught up with Christopher Nolan today for an exclusive interview with the acclaimed director, in which all is revealed about Robin’s presence in The Dark Knight Rises .

Here’s the interview in full (Warning: Spoilers):

Movie-Rumors (MR): So, Christopher, we take it Robin has an important part to play in The Dark Knight Rises?

Christopher Nolan (CN): I don’t want to give too many details away at this point.

MR: So you don’t deny it!

CN: Deny what?

MR: When Robin joins Batman in fisticuffs with the baddies, do we get “Kapow” splashed across screen?

CN: I think you’ve misunderstood.

MR: Have you gone for a darker, grounded in reality Boy Wonder Robin?

CN: I didn’t say Robin was in this film.

MR: Do you anticipate a spin-off from this movie focusing more on Robin?

CN: Robin hasn’t invaded my consciousness to the degree that he’s invaded yours.

MR: Does Catwoman fall in love with Robin?

CN:

MR: If not, say no. If yes, say nothing.

CN:

MR: That’s what we thought!

Woody Allen to fight Stallone in Rocky 7

28 Monday May 2012

Posted by Movie-Rumors in Movie news, Movie stars, Movie-Rumors, Movies in development

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Sylvester Stallone, Woody Allen

movie_rumors_rocky_6Movie-Rumors understands that Woody Allen’s involvement in the forthcoming Expendables 3 is part of two-picture deal which will see the veteran actor squaring up against Sylvester Stallone as the adversary in Rocky 7.

Allen seemed slightly disoriented when we caught up with him outside the Carlyle Hotel in New York. “I really don’t know what I’m doing. Am I? I really don’t know what I’m doing.”

Asked how he’s planning to top the fight scenes in Rocky Balboa, let alone the epic Rocky 4, Stallone told interviewers: “I come out and I smash him.”

Mike Tyson to star in Jaws remake

16 Wednesday May 2012

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Hangover, Hangover 2, Jaws, Michael Bay, Mike Tyson, Rocky Balboa, Steven Spielberg

mike-tyson-movie-rumorsFormer boxer, Mike Tyson, is to star in a reboot of the Jaws series, told from the perspective of the shark. 

Producer Michael Bay sees Tyson as perfect for the role of a small town Sheriff desperate to eat a large shark, having been impressed by his appearances in Hangover 1 & 2 and Rocky Balboa.

“Mike has some real natural talent and is a fast swimmer. I’m looking forward to working with a legend.”

Steven Spielberg admits he may direct.

Editor’s online resume reveals Casablanca 3D inbound?

15 Tuesday May 2012

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Casablanca 3D, Humphrey Bogart, Ingrid Bergman, Kelly McGillis, Leonard Nimoy, Warner Brothers

The Twitterverse is all of a flutter right now, vibrant with speculation that a 3D version of Warner Brothers‘ 1942 classic Casablanca is in the works.

Excited micro-bloggers yesterday briefly saw the Humphrey Bogart melodrama top trending charts after uncovering a resume apprently posted online by a former editor with the Burbank studio. Listed among their experience was a reference to work on an ‘Unannounced 3D re-release of classic romantic wartime propaganda epic set in primary Moroccan port city’, leading to frenzied detective work across the movie industry blogosphere. Three hours after the leak was first spotted, the community appeared to have cracked the riddle, with Twitter user theeinsteininstitute exclaiming, ‘omg just got it!!! @movieFBIagent its not 3D how to recognise a jap spy!!! its 3d Casablanca!!! no freakin way – so awesome!!!’

The artists’ resume has since been taken down from a leading filmmaking job site.

If you don’t experience extended depth of field with Dolby Digital surround sound you’ll regret it; maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon, and for the rest of your life.

Hopford Securities industry analyst Bernard Sandles claimed any re-release was likely to coincide with the holiday season and would be ‘the next logical step’ for Warner Brothers. ‘That scene where the plane takes off and they are walking off into the desert, that will work in 3D. It’ll really increase the audience’s sense of the long road to victory yet to be travelled in 1942.’

Renowned move critic Marie Cyezwcyz tweeted: ‘Amazed & v happy to see Casablanca 3D coming – Titanic 3D don’t amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world!’

Last year Warner was forced into denying it was considering a remake of the iconic film, after rumors that Leonard Nimoy and 80s legend Kelly McGillis had been cast in the Bogart and Bergman roles wiped more than $6 billion off parent company TimeWarner’s share value.

Spielberg unlikely to include perspective of small child or slapstick comic relief moment in next film, CERN says space-time continuum jeopardised

08 Tuesday May 2012

Posted by Movie-Rumors in Movie news, Movie stars, Movie-Rumors, Movies in development

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Daniel Day Lewis, Indiana Jones, Jurassic Park IV, Lincoln, Munich, Steven Spielberg. Jaws. Michael Bay, Transformers

Steven-Spielberg_movie_rumorsSteven Spielberg has revealed that his next film will likely involve neither the perspective of a small child, nor any moments of slapstick comic relief involving objects running away from hapless pursuers just as they appear ready to catch them, sparking concern for the future viability of the universe at a leading European scientific research institute.

Lincoln, a biopic of the 16th President of the United States starring Daniel Day Lewis, was said by insiders to be “largely adult-focused” and “pretty serious” in its treatment of the American Civil War, despite the copious opportunities presented by the subject matter for children to play innocently among wartime ruins while earnestly questioning why men do such terrible things to other men. The $50 million feature, currently in post-production after shooting in Illinois, was also said to have “totally rejected” the potential to exploit bearded, banjo-playing Confederate soldiers whose trousers fall during combat.

CERN, the Swiss-based European nuclear research institute, last night informed alarmed science ministries across its twenty member states that Spielberg’s decision contained the “very real possibility” of disrupting or even completely destroying the space-time continuum and thus all known space, matter and time in the universe. One expert told Movie-Rumors that, combined with CERN’s own sub-atomic particle research at its Large Hadron Collider on the Franco-Swiss border, Lincoln had dramatically increased the possibility of imminent apocalypse. “The chances of all creation being annihilated at the speed of light in a gigantic ball of fire before Lincoln releases are now about one in four”, said the official, speaking on condition of anonymity. “Or it could just get very, very cold. The truth is we just don’t know.”

Spielberg, the Academy Award-winning director and producer of films such as Jaws and Schindler’s List, was reported in US media as having welcomed the increased risk associated with such a radical artistic vision, claiming that cinema “needs to be more challenging to audiences and the fundamental forces governing the cosmos.” Industry moguls have recently appeared to concur, giving green lights to Spielberg projects Jurassic Park IV and the fifth Indiana Jones feature, as well as funding three Transformers films, co-produced with Yale philosophy professor Michael Bay.

European science ministers were today expected to issue a joint statement condemning the move, while seeking urgent discussions with their US counterparts. Although First Amendment law expressly prevents Washington from censoring American creative industries, it was thought likely that the Obama Administration would seek to exert pressure on production companies Amblin Entertainment and Dreamworks to film additional material in which President Lincoln’s stovepipe hat falls off at an awkward moment, or a small child finds military detritus that could be adapted for use as a simple toy amid the devastation of Gettysburg or Antietam. Even the inclusion of this footage in a deleted scene compendium on the subsequent DVD and Blu Ray release was said by experts to decrease significantly the possibility of impending Armageddon.

movie_rumors_munichThis is not the first time that the 65-year-old filmmaker has endangered the existence of everything. In 2005 CERN also warned of Spielberg’s Munich (above), a relentlessly-innocent child-free tale of Israeli special forces’ pursuit of the Black September organisation responsible for the massacre of athletes at the 1972 Olympic Games. Despite the discipline shown by Spielberg in maintaining an unflinching eye on the brutality of revenge and its self-perpetuating and self-defeating destructiveness, the universe survived intact. Scientists have since theorised that the elusive nature of the protagonists’ enemies, ever evading their increasingly exasperated grasp, was in fact a metaphor, cleverly smuggled in by Spielberg, for a ping pong ball bouncing down a set of steps, always slightly beyond the desperate clutches of a hapless hero, engendering mirth and momentary relief in all who watch it. Along with the scene in which Israeli agents wear women’s clothing in order to infiltrate an enemy compound, this comic imagery was thus thought to negate Munich’s catastrophic potential and CERN lifted its alert before the release of the two-disc Collector’s Edition in 2006.

Woody Allen joins cast of Expendables 3

04 Friday May 2012

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Antz, Bananas, Expendables 3, Sylvester Stallone, Woody Allen

movie_rumors_expendables_3Woody Allen is the latest movie veteran to join the cast of the forthcoming Expendables 3, due to start filming later this year.

Allen told sources:  “It was important that the next movie I did be shot in the US, and that it be something in the broad action genre.”

Star, Sylvester Stallone, who previously worked with Allen way back in 1971 on Bananas, and then again on 1998’s Antz, posted on his official web-site: “I think it’s great news. I see him maybe taking over from me down the line.”

Johnny Depp to play another weird little poof

01 Tuesday May 2012

Posted by Movie-Rumors in Movie news, Movie stars, Movie-Rumors

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Anthony Breznican, Dark Shadows, Helena Bonham Carter, Johnny Depp, Michelle Pfeiffer, Sleepy Hollow, Tim Burton

movie_rumors_johnny_deppNow that a bunch of people have seen the summer’s first blockbuster, The Avengers Assemble, our eyes wander down the calendar to the summer’s second weekend: May 11. There’s just one wide release that day (likely because studios were still afraid of Marvel’s team up) and it’s Tim Burton‘s Dark Shadows starring Johnny Depp, Helena Bohnam Carter and Michelle Pfeiffer, in which Johnny Depp plays another weird little poof.

Since the release of the trailer, fan interest has piqued as the film seems to be a return to the Burton of old, a frightening setting filled with weirdness and humor ala Pee Wee’s Big Adventure, Beetlejuice and Edward Scissorhands, with Depp playing another weird little poof.

Do Burton and Depp succeed in their aim? Entertainment Weekly senior writer Anthony Breznican has seen the movie and tweeted some thoughts over the weekend.

“I’ve seen final cut of Dark Shadows. Tone similar to Burton and Depp’s Sleepy Hollow – lots of humor, but with menacing, atmospheric edge, and a weird little poof.”

Chris Evans considers career change after Avengers movie

30 Monday Apr 2012

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Avengers Assemble, Chris Evans, Chris Hemsworth, Fantastic Four, Hulk, Human Torch, Mark Ruffalo

Avengers AssembleActor Chris Evans is considering a career change after appearing in the new superhero movie, Avengers Assemble.

Movie-Rumors bumped into an unusually forlorn Evans at San Diego Zoo, where the star was shopping alone in the souvenir gift-shop.

“We were filming this big street action scene, and I caught sight of myself reflected in a store window, and I thought, what the hell am I doing?” Evans recalls.

“I was wearing a cheap, skin-tight costume that would have looked ludicrous enough at a 5 year old’s fancy dress party, and I realised,  I’m going to be seen wearing this on posters, in TV ads, on the big screen, all around the world.”

“I understand that a person’s wage is directly related to how much they’re willing to sell of themself, how much dignity they can do without, but I mean, they’ve got me wearing a big ‘A’ on my head.”

“And then I look over to Chris (Hemsworth), who’s this decent guy, and he’s dressed as a plastic Viking.”

“And over on my left, Mark Ruffalo, who’s the shyest guy you’ll ever meet, is going ‘raaah, raaah,’ stomping his feet, waving his arms, pretending to be the Hulk, but coming off like a gay dinosaur. I caught him in the men’s bathroom later, devastated.”

Movie-Rumors asked Evans if, given the chance, he would consider returning to his role as the Human Torch in the Fantastic Four franchise. Evans replied, sadly:

“Probably.”

Avengers-Assemble-chris-evans

Evans promotes Avengers Assemble in costume with fellow cast-mates on an international tour

Craig plays Bond with lisp

26 Thursday Apr 2012

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Daniel Craig, James Bond, James Bond 24, Skyfall

daniel-craig-movie-rumorsWith news that the first trailer for the 23rd James Bond movie, Skyfall, is coming next month, Sony has announced that is has been unable to prevent Daniel Craig from playing the iconic spy with a lisp.

“He develops a lisp towards the end of the movie,” a spokesperson for Sony announced. “We’ve checked his contract, and if he wants to play Bond with a lisp, he can. We’re not permitted to dub at this stage.”

It is though that Craig wanted to shake-up the role following the disappointing Quantum of Solace, and that he’ll continue to play James Bond with a lisp, should he sign on to the newly announced 24th James Bond movie, due in 2014,

Twilight reboot in the works

25 Wednesday Apr 2012

Posted by Movie-Rumors in Movie news, Movie stars, Movie-Rumors

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Kevin Costner, Robert Pattinson, Twilight

kevin_costner_twilight_movieA Twilight reboot starring Kevin Costner is currently being touted around Hollywood.

Aimed at appealing to the unexpected older age group who became fans of the first series, the reboot will star Kevin Costner as Edward Cullen, a role originally played by the younger, Robert Pattinson.

Do we need another Twilight series? Is it too soon? Let us know your thoughts, below.

Michael Bay to direct Gone With the Wind 2

24 Tuesday Apr 2012

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Gone With the Wind 2, Michael Bay

movie_rumors_bay_gone_with_the_wind_2Breaking: it’s never too late for sequel. Director Michael Bay is gearing up to bring Gone with the Wind 2 to the big screen, 73 years after the original.

No word yet on whether  the film will be based on Scarlett, the novel written in 1991 by Alexandra Ripley as a sequel to Margaret Mitchell‘s Gone with the Wind and already filmed as a mini series in 1994.

But we can be sure that with Bay behind the camera, Gone with the Wind 2 will be an explosive cinematic ride.

Welcome to Movie-Rumors

20 Friday Apr 2012

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movie-rumors logoMovie-Rumors is the classy movie news site for the discerning movie goer. With live reports from sources based at every major studio in Hollywood, movie rumors is first for breaking rumors in the world of movies and entertainment.

We welcome you to our live feed of breaking news from the world of film, television or entertainment. Upcoming projects, latest development deals, new movies in the works, you’ll hear it on Movie-Rumors first.

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