UN reveals that cameras sold to Saudi government by Warner Bros were used to film public hanging show

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The Powers Cameragraph No 6B 35mm

Hollywood is rocked by scandal this morning as the UN reveals that cameras sold by Warner Brothers studios to the Saudi government have been used on a public hanging television show.

The cameras, a Powers Cameragraph No 6B 35mm and a Bell & Howell Eyemo 71-Q 35mm, were sold to the Saudis as part of a studio clear-out in 1997.

Warner Brothers insists that it was unaware as to how the cameras would be deployed.

“Warner Brothers is truly regretful that our outgoing stock has been used in this way,” states David Levenstein, Head of Studio Estates.

“We are categorically against public execution and the practice of hanging,” Levenstein explains. “But once a unit of outgoing equipment is sold, we cannot regulate how that equipment is going to be used.”

“We have no way of ensuring that one of our old cameras will not be used for a public hanging television programme, just as we cannot guarantee that a piece of sound equipment we buy from a rival studio will not be used on an Adam Sandler movie.

The Saudi show, known as إصطاد عصفورين بحجر واحد (Kill) and shown on Al Madj TV channel, came to light when it executed its first international ‘contestant’.

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Adrian Chiles – before he was dead

Adrian Chiles was a British television presenter known for hosting soccer broadcasts in the UK.

Chiles was in the Ukraine, covering the Euro 2012 soccer championships, when he was selected for public execution by the Saudi show.

Those who knew Chiles from his television broadcasts, have speculated that the reason for Chiles’s execution had something to do with his face.

Chiles was an exceptionally ugly man, and was made even more unbearable by a simpering tone of voice and the tendency to interrupt others.

“He really was a repulsive guy,” commented David Levenstein at Warner Bros. “Off the record, just looking at him, you knew something was going to happen.”

Ex UN Secretary General Kofi Annan tried to add perspective to the tragedy:

“When I was Secretary General, we told the Saudi Arabia government that we were against this show,” Annan assured journalists this morning.

“But you can understand why they did it. He really was an ugly guy. A very ugly guy. He had the face of a slippery toad.”

Chiles apparently thought his abduction, and subsequent transport to a scaffold in Riyadh, to be a practical joke staged by a guest on the Euro 2012 broadcasts, Roy Keane.

Chiles had played a series of practical jokes on Keane during the coverage of the soccer competition, including the placing of a ‘whoopie-cushion’ on the guest’s chair so that it seemed that Keane had broken wind during live broadcast.

A producer from Al Madj TV, Gafar al-Ghamdi, had this to say about the abduction:

“We take the Chiles from hotel in Kiev. He start laughing straight away. We take him to airport. On plane he cannot stop laughing. He say ‘Roy put you up to this. Where Roy?’ We arrive Riyadh and put the Chiles in taxi. He cry with laughter now. He hold he stomach. We put bag over he head and he say he love it. The crowds in the square cheer when they see the Chiles. He still have bag over head but he waving, he laughing. We get the rope. He saying ‘Hi everybody. Hi everybody. It’s me Adrian Chiles. I’m Adrian Chiles, I’m going to kill that Roy Keane.’ Then we release him. The crowd cheer. Ratings beat all records.”

Levenstein at Warner Bros conceded that although patronising, insincere, smug and bulbous, Chiles “probably didn’t deserve to die.”

Roy Keane was unavailable for comment.

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Adrian Chiles, born 21 March 1967 Quinton, Birmingham – publically executed 20 June 2012 Riyadh, Saudi Arabia

Lucas admits Star Wars ‘never actually made’

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Hollywood was left stunned today after George Lucas revealed that the original Star Wars movie was never actually made.

The 1977 science fiction epic was “never written, never filmed, and never released” according to Lucas, whose non-existent work on the film earned a Best Director nomination at the following year’s Academy Awards.

The social psychological force is strong with this one

Lucas makes the extraordinary claim in an interview with Italian broadcaster RAI to be shown next week. The Oscar-nominated director also reveals that he has “never even met” several stars of the film, including Carrie Fisher and Mark Hamill.

“It was just an absolutely monumental case of ‘The Emperor’s New Clothes'”, revealed Lucas. “We released a few airbrushed photographs to the media in advance of ‘release’, and we got a couple of fake reviews in a few newspapers and it just kind of snowballed from there. After that, no one wanted to admit that they hadn’t seen this huge cultural event that everyone was talking about.”

When challenged by interviewer Andrea Donatelli, who claimed to have seen the film twice at the theater and to be in possession of VHS and Blu-Ray versions, Lucas argued there were “hundreds of millions” around the world with similar “delusions”.

“People started to believe they had actually seen it. I mean, why wouldn’t they? They had seen all these images, played with the action figures, and everyone around them just kept talking about how great this movie was.

It’s basic social psychology – you weren’t anybody if you hadn’t seen it and people started to think that those doubts about whether they had seen it were all in their minds. You had all these little isolated images and things in your head and the logical thing was, well hey these are memories and you must have watched this movie.

“The thing that always really kind of blows my mind is that none of them, not one, has ever seen Star Wars, or knows the story, because it doesn’t exist.”

If anyone asks, you saw this movie called Star Wars, see, and you thought it was really great, GOT IT?

When asked to explain how Star Wars had managed to gross nearly $800 million worldwide without ever being shown, Lucas repeated “Dustin Hoffman” several times, but refused to be drawn on specifics.

If proven, Lucas’ claims could undermine the psychological security of much of world civilization. In unedited recordings of the interview seen by Movie-Rumors, Donatelli breaks down in confusion several times, apparently questioning the validity of a number of childhood memories fundamental to her personality, and at one stage even has to pause the interview so she can stab herself with a sharp object in order to verify that she is not, in fact, dreaming.

Lucas claims to have come clean on Star Wars now as he wishes to co-publish with Harrison Ford an academic article summarizing the experiment. He then intends on applying for a job in the psychology department at the prestigious University of Hertfordshire in England.

“If we can get it in a good journal, that will give me a REF-able publication,” said the 68-year-old excitedly, in reference to the British Research Excellence Framework, an important measure of academic stature in England. “Now all I need is some teaching experience and I think I tick all the boxes.”

Disabled woman sues Johnny Depp for concert ‘beating’

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Woman alleges she was dragged semi-naked through a crowd by actor.

johnny-depp-movie-rumors-2A lawsuit has been filed by a Californian medical professor alleging that Johnny Depp and the Hollywood Palladium are responsible for aggressively removing her from the venue.

According to legal papers (available in full here), the woman, who would not reveal her name for fear of damaging her career, was at the Hollywood  Palladium with her husband to watch a performance by Iggy and the Stooges.

Because she suffers from back problems and walks with a cane, she had to purchase VIP tickets to obtain proper access to the venue: and it was here that she encountered Depp.

It is alleged that Depp proceeded to grab her and take her phone, and in the process dragged her across the VIP area so that “her clothes became dishevelled and her shoes fell off.”

After the confrontation, Depp is said to have approached the woman again, this time handcuffing her and forcibly removing her from the venue. As she was dragged out, the lawsuit alleges, her “pants were removed… exposing her buttocks to the other Hollywood Palladium theatre patrons.”

Depp is accused of ignoring the woman’s pleas for him to stop his attack.

The incident is said to have aggravated her disability, caused injuries including a dislocated elbow and “outrageous humiliation.”

We are still waiting for a response from the Depp and Hollywood Palladium reps.

Director Bay Loses His Virginity

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michael-bay-movie-rumorsAfter months of negotiations and legal wranglings, director Michael Bay has finally lost His Virginity, the $200 million action film from Sony.

Bay has been working tirelessly to lose His Virginity in order to move forward production on the long awaited Gone With the Wind sequel.

A spokesman from Sony said:

We understand that it was important for Michael to lose His Viginity, and hope that having now lost His Virginity, Michael will be able to move forward as an artist and as a dresser.

Woody Allen to fight Stallone in Rocky 7

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movie_rumors_rocky_6Movie-Rumors understands that Woody Allen’s involvement in the forthcoming Expendables 3 is part of two-picture deal which will see the veteran actor squaring up against Sylvester Stallone as the adversary in Rocky 7.

Allen seemed slightly disoriented when we caught up with him outside the Carlyle Hotel in New York. “I really don’t know what I’m doing. Am I? I really don’t know what I’m doing.”

Asked how he’s planning to top the fight scenes in Rocky Balboa, let alone the epic Rocky 4, Stallone told interviewers: “I come out and I smash him.”

Man with girlfriend looks forward to The Hobbit

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hobbit-movie-rumorsBill Riggs of Indiana, who has been dating his real life girlfriend for the past eighteen months, has found himself looking forward to the movie The Hobbit.

“I couldn’t believe it. I definitely have a girlfriend. Her name’s Sarah. But last week I just started thinking that I’d quite like to see that Hobbit movie.”

Surprisingly, it’s not the first time a man with a girlfriend has started looking forward to The Hobbit. Harry O’Leary of Dublin, Ireland told friends while drunk that he’d quite like to see The Hobbit. However, in the same evening he also announced that he was The Pope, and that he was trying to get pregnant.

Winslet forced to shave for Titanic

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kate-winslet-movie-rumorsActress Kate Winslet was forced to shave to shoot key evening scenes for hit 1997 film Titanic – because the moonlight kept striking her stubble and ruining the shot.

Winslet was just 20 years old when she stepped into the role of Rose opposite Leonardo DiCaprio in director James Cameron’s blockbuster hit.

The actress recalls she was so cold shooting one particular sequence, in which she jumps from the doomed luxury liner, her facial hair stood on end and caused complications for Cameron.

She tells People magazine, “The light was catching all the little hairs on my chin and Jim (Cameron) was like, ‘We’re going to have to shave your face.’ So we stop filming and the make-up artist has a Bic razor and some Gillette shaving foam. It was hilarious.”

But Winslet reveals she wasn’t the only one affected by the chilly conditions: “Leo was just useless. He was like, ‘I don’t want to be cold anymore.’ I did the looking after. He was a 21-year-old baby.”

Adaptation of Tetris game tipped for Oscar

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movie_rumors_tetrisIt may seem a little early to start talking Oscar picks for 2013, but that hasn’t stopped buzz around Hollywood being generated for Paramount’s new Tetris flick.

Adapted from the classic game and starring Anthony Hopkins, the film depicts small, block based objects being arranged so as to create a complete unit.

Hopkins famously checked into the Betty Ford Center during filming for addiction to the game, an ordeal he may feel was worth it if the film does win an Oscar, or if he beats his highest score.

Amazing Spiderman clip features near nudity, extreme violence

The-Amazing-Spider-Man-movie-rumorsA shocking clip unearthed from the much revered Spiderman Strikes Back features near full-frontal female nudity and a vicious man-on-man fight scene.

Marc Webb, director of the upcoming The Amazing Spiderman quickly took to Twitter to neither confirm nor deny that the clip was better than the entirety of his new movie.

New clip ok. Maybe on par with my movie. Both have merit. MW

Producers are currently planning a reboot of the franchise for 2014.

See the amazing clip below:

Shia LaBeouf turned down Transformers 4 for business venture

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After months of speculation, it has been revealed why Transformers actor Shia Saide LaBeouf and Captain America special effects guru Stephen Onions, have pulled out of future installments of their respective franchises.

“We’re going into the snack business,” LaBeouf told a startled crowd at San Diego Comic Con.

“When I told Shia that my name is Onions, and that together we’re LaBeouf & Onions, neither of us could quite believe it,” effects-man Onions chipped in. “It was like it was meant to be.”

“We’re already finishing each other’s…” prompted LaBeouf.

“What?” asked Onions.

The business, tentatively titled Crunch, will feature a line of crispy snacks in LaBeouf & Onions flavor, and a multi-pack featuring Saide & Onions flavor.

“And that’s it,” LaBeouf concluded.

Studio Ghibli green lights Japanese Trainspotting remake

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Tokyo-based anime giant Studio Ghibli yesterday confirmed that it had given the go-ahead for an animated Japanese remake of iconic 1996 Brit-flick Trainspotting.

Unconfirmed reports suggest that legendary director Hayao Miyazaki will helm the re-imagining of Danny Boyle’s Oscar-nominated feature, set to be transplanted from Edinburgh to Miyazaki’s doorstep in Tokyo. Movie-Rumors has seen a sneak preview of an early draft of the Japanese script, which will follow the exploits of several drug-addled salarymen doubled up on a train platform who hatch a lucrative criminal plot, only to find themselves transported to a fantastical world of spirits and talking animals uniting against impending ecological disaster.

**** the ****ing ******* **** and *******, Spud!

Studio Ghibli is renowned for a signature combination of sumptuous hand-drawn animation, a blurring of the lines between fantasy and reality, and subtle philosophical musings on themes such as the innocence of childhood, the disconnect between modern human life and nature, and large cuddly toys that can move and walk by themselves. Ghibli’s best known films include 2001 Academy Award winner Spirited Away and 1988 feature My Neighbour Totoro (above), the eponymous star of which is the studio’s logo.

Yet in recent months Miyazaki has reportedly grown frustrated with the Ghibli canon and in December told a Japanese film magazine that he wanted to make something ‘less life-affirming, more nihilistic – perhaps something a bit Clockwork Orangey, or maybe just something that is really, really shit.’ The studio swiftly scotched reports in February that Miyazaki was working on an an ultra-violent tale of London’s East End criminal underworld – rumored to feature Danny Dyer – but was ambiguous about the director’s future trajectory. It had remained largely silent until the Trainspotting announcement.

Mike Tyson to star in Jaws remake

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mike-tyson-movie-rumorsFormer boxer, Mike Tyson, is to star in a reboot of the Jaws series, told from the perspective of the shark. 

Producer Michael Bay sees Tyson as perfect for the role of a small town Sheriff desperate to eat a large shark, having been impressed by his appearances in Hangover 1 & 2 and Rocky Balboa.

“Mike has some real natural talent and is a fast swimmer. I’m looking forward to working with a legend.”

Steven Spielberg admits he may direct.

Editor’s online resume reveals Casablanca 3D inbound?

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The Twitterverse is all of a flutter right now, vibrant with speculation that a 3D version of Warner Brothers‘ 1942 classic Casablanca is in the works.

Excited micro-bloggers yesterday briefly saw the Humphrey Bogart melodrama top trending charts after uncovering a resume apprently posted online by a former editor with the Burbank studio. Listed among their experience was a reference to work on an ‘Unannounced 3D re-release of classic romantic wartime propaganda epic set in primary Moroccan port city’, leading to frenzied detective work across the movie industry blogosphere. Three hours after the leak was first spotted, the community appeared to have cracked the riddle, with Twitter user theeinsteininstitute exclaiming, ‘omg just got it!!! @movieFBIagent its not 3D how to recognise a jap spy!!! its 3d Casablanca!!! no freakin way – so awesome!!!’

The artists’ resume has since been taken down from a leading filmmaking job site.

If you don’t experience extended depth of field with Dolby Digital surround sound you’ll regret it; maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon, and for the rest of your life.

Hopford Securities industry analyst Bernard Sandles claimed any re-release was likely to coincide with the holiday season and would be ‘the next logical step’ for Warner Brothers. ‘That scene where the plane takes off and they are walking off into the desert, that will work in 3D. It’ll really increase the audience’s sense of the long road to victory yet to be travelled in 1942.’

Renowned move critic Marie Cyezwcyz tweeted: ‘Amazed & v happy to see Casablanca 3D coming – Titanic 3D don’t amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world!’

Last year Warner was forced into denying it was considering a remake of the iconic film, after rumors that Leonard Nimoy and 80s legend Kelly McGillis had been cast in the Bogart and Bergman roles wiped more than $6 billion off parent company TimeWarner’s share value.

Men in Black franchise feels lonely and unloved

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movie-rumors-men-in-blackIn a rare, candid interview with Ellen this week, the Men in Black franchise confessed that it often feels lonely and unloved.

“People use me once, just because I’m there, and then never see me again,” the tearful franchise explained. “I’ve never known what it’s like to be loved. Even my creators don’t seem to care. It’s like they had me just so they could claim benefits.”

The franchise opened up about a long line of psychological and emotional troubles: “I had an identity crisis from the start. Was I Ghostbusters, or was I Blues Brothers? And then I had a crisis of faith. There were times when I even doubted the existence of Dan Aykroyd.”

The franchise told the uninterested chat-show host that it would either join a convent, or turn to crack and do a fourth movie.

Mel Gibson finds new love

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Mel GibsonTroubled actor Mel Gibson has found new love in writer Tamara Jackson, it has been revealed.

Jackson, the creator of multicultural sit-com Yo’ Mama! met Gibson while touring Africa with her one woman show, Where I At, in which she explores growing up in the UK as a black, homosexual woman.

Gibson had arrived in Abuja by mistake, having boarded a plane he thought destined for Baltimore.

Jackson first found herself attracted to Gibson when she saw his strange performance in the rom-com What Women Want.

“Normally I only date da ladies,” Jackson explained. “But I made an exception for this guy, because he’s a Jew.”

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Tamara Jackson at Abuja airport, where she met new love, Mel Gibson

Spielberg unlikely to include perspective of small child or slapstick comic relief moment in next film, CERN says space-time continuum jeopardised

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Steven-Spielberg_movie_rumorsSteven Spielberg has revealed that his next film will likely involve neither the perspective of a small child, nor any moments of slapstick comic relief involving objects running away from hapless pursuers just as they appear ready to catch them, sparking concern for the future viability of the universe at a leading European scientific research institute.

Lincoln, a biopic of the 16th President of the United States starring Daniel Day Lewis, was said by insiders to be “largely adult-focused” and “pretty serious” in its treatment of the American Civil War, despite the copious opportunities presented by the subject matter for children to play innocently among wartime ruins while earnestly questioning why men do such terrible things to other men. The $50 million feature, currently in post-production after shooting in Illinois, was also said to have “totally rejected” the potential to exploit bearded, banjo-playing Confederate soldiers whose trousers fall during combat.

CERN, the Swiss-based European nuclear research institute, last night informed alarmed science ministries across its twenty member states that Spielberg’s decision contained the “very real possibility” of disrupting or even completely destroying the space-time continuum and thus all known space, matter and time in the universe. One expert told Movie-Rumors that, combined with CERN’s own sub-atomic particle research at its Large Hadron Collider on the Franco-Swiss border, Lincoln had dramatically increased the possibility of imminent apocalypse. “The chances of all creation being annihilated at the speed of light in a gigantic ball of fire before Lincoln releases are now about one in four”, said the official, speaking on condition of anonymity. “Or it could just get very, very cold. The truth is we just don’t know.”

Spielberg, the Academy Award-winning director and producer of films such as Jaws and Schindler’s List, was reported in US media as having welcomed the increased risk associated with such a radical artistic vision, claiming that cinema “needs to be more challenging to audiences and the fundamental forces governing the cosmos.” Industry moguls have recently appeared to concur, giving green lights to Spielberg projects Jurassic Park IV and the fifth Indiana Jones feature, as well as funding three Transformers films, co-produced with Yale philosophy professor Michael Bay.

European science ministers were today expected to issue a joint statement condemning the move, while seeking urgent discussions with their US counterparts. Although First Amendment law expressly prevents Washington from censoring American creative industries, it was thought likely that the Obama Administration would seek to exert pressure on production companies Amblin Entertainment and Dreamworks to film additional material in which President Lincoln’s stovepipe hat falls off at an awkward moment, or a small child finds military detritus that could be adapted for use as a simple toy amid the devastation of Gettysburg or Antietam. Even the inclusion of this footage in a deleted scene compendium on the subsequent DVD and Blu Ray release was said by experts to decrease significantly the possibility of impending Armageddon.

movie_rumors_munichThis is not the first time that the 65-year-old filmmaker has endangered the existence of everything. In 2005 CERN also warned of Spielberg’s Munich (above), a relentlessly-innocent child-free tale of Israeli special forces’ pursuit of the Black September organisation responsible for the massacre of athletes at the 1972 Olympic Games. Despite the discipline shown by Spielberg in maintaining an unflinching eye on the brutality of revenge and its self-perpetuating and self-defeating destructiveness, the universe survived intact. Scientists have since theorised that the elusive nature of the protagonists’ enemies, ever evading their increasingly exasperated grasp, was in fact a metaphor, cleverly smuggled in by Spielberg, for a ping pong ball bouncing down a set of steps, always slightly beyond the desperate clutches of a hapless hero, engendering mirth and momentary relief in all who watch it. Along with the scene in which Israeli agents wear women’s clothing in order to infiltrate an enemy compound, this comic imagery was thus thought to negate Munich’s catastrophic potential and CERN lifted its alert before the release of the two-disc Collector’s Edition in 2006.

New Ben Stiller comedy goes on the run

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neighborhood-watch-movie-rumorsThe new Ben Stiller comedy Neighborhood Watch has gone on the run, according to police in Florida.

The comedy, wanted by police for the shooting of a youth in Sanford, has adopted the alias The Watch and has cancelled a multi-million pound promotional campaign.

Fans of Ben Stiller are advised to proceed with caution, as The Watch is considered extremely dangerous and highly inappropriate.

Woody Allen joins cast of Expendables 3

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movie_rumors_expendables_3Woody Allen is the latest movie veteran to join the cast of the forthcoming Expendables 3, due to start filming later this year.

Allen told sources:  “It was important that the next movie I did be shot in the US, and that it be something in the broad action genre.”

Star, Sylvester Stallone, who previously worked with Allen way back in 1971 on Bananas, and then again on 1998’s Antz, posted on his official web-site: “I think it’s great news. I see him maybe taking over from me down the line.”

Boris Johnson documentary to close Cannes

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Boris Johnson tries to evade screaming fans in London

The documentary Everyone Loves Boris, featuring London mayoral candidate Boris Johnson is set to close Cannes this year.

The documentary follows Johnson as he navigates the campaign trail. He does this amid a level of hysteria comparable only to the Dancing Plague of 1518.

No word yet on whether the film will receive a wide or limited release.

Click on an exclusive clip from the movie, below.

Teacher in new American Pie movie played by CGI George Washington

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movie_rumors_george_washingtonGetting the cast back together for the new American Pie movie, American Reunion, wasn’t the only nostalgic blast from the past originally intended for the movie. Scenes were filmed, but not used, of a CGI George Washington as high school principle, Mr. Gibbs.

“It was a pleasure working with George,” says star, Jason Biggs. “He really understood the comedy of the piece, as well as the underlying sweetness. I think he appreciated being part of it”

It has yet to be confirmed whether or not the scenes will be restored for the extended Blu Ray version out later this year.